I have, to date, referred to several of the men on the cover of Sweet Valley High novels as “Tom Cruise.” I didn’t do it because of an obsession with Cruise, or because of the characters’ tendencies to hate on antidepressants and jump around on chairs. I did it because I thought they looked like Tom Cruise. Let’s review, shall we?

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Here’s a cover image from Book 12, When Love Dies. I’m not sure how accurate a statement this was. I mean, look how tall Steven Wakefield is! One thing I do know for sure: I am very, very funny. :D

It’s not just Steven that resembles Ol’ Top Gun.

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OK. There is no doubt in my mind that Book 35‘s Aaron Dallas looks exactly like angry Tom Cruise. As for the Zack Morris/Jeffery French corollary, I’ll let you be the judge:

Hee hee.

With Book 36’s entry a couple of week’s ago, I finally broke down and called out cover artist James Mathewuse. It’s not just Steven, Aaron, and Peter that look like Cocktails-era Cruise. About 75% of Sweet Valley boys resemble Tom Cruise in some way. I mean, even creepster Scott looks a little like Cruise with a mustache.

Flip through the old entries (or your own book collection) and you’ll see what I mean. There are plenty of occasions when Todd Wilkins, Roger Barrett, or even Bruce Patman look a little Cruise-y. Perhaps it’s because of his popularity in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Or maybe, they don’t resemble Cruise at all. Maybe he looks like them!

OR---GAN---VAAAAAMP!